I held my nose, I closed my eyes. I took a drink!

I didn't know if it was day or night,
I started kissing everything in sight.

Do you believe in witchcraft and voodoo? I'm not talking about it as a religion but I'm talking about it as a state of mind. I am not here to verify or deny the power of the spirit(s). I am just going to focus on my own perception, experience, and interpretation of it.

Last night, a friend who is a wicca priestess performed a shields-removal to open all the charkas for me. She said that in order for me to heal properly and move on with life, all blockages and shields that I put up to - supposedly - protect myself has to be removed first, so that we can look at the "real issues" and start the healing process.

She said there's a tiny blockage in the tail end of my spine, a little in the tummy area, and a whole lot in the heart area. She looked at me and made a very serious face before warning me that if she removes the blocks on my heart, I will be emotionally vulnerable for a few days. She suggested that I try to hang out with friends that emit positive energy. Think happy thoughts and love thyself. I inhaled deeply and said, "Okay. Do it. I can handle this. Take it all off."

I watched as she dances around me, picking off invisible lint and unseen blocks. She looked so calm and happy. I think it may be the thought that she is doing what she believed in to help another human being that made her face glowed. Whatever it was, it also made me feel calm and happy.

I did feel a little nauseous when she gestured her hand as if to remove a brick from my chest. It could be my mind playing trick on me, but that was how I felt.

After all is done, I told her that I was feeling a little naked and I mock-whined, "my golden shield, my silver lining...all gone. My preciouuuuus." We laughed. She told me to go treat myself with a nice bubble bath. And we laughed some more.

As a treat to myself, I enrolled in a free workshop on Relationships.

**********

I braced myself for a dip of depression. I am notorious for having really bad depression at times. I am the nastiest critic when it comes to my own self-esteem.

I was prepared, knowing that without those blocks and shields, I am an open target. What I found was that I don't need them in the first place. I was afraid of the non-existence monster. There's nothing there but love and love can do no wrong. It just can't.

If you think love hurts, take a very close look at it. There is something else mixed in there that shouldn't be.

Today, I found myself sitting at the top of the world and I think life is beautiful. I am stronger than ever before. And quite happy.

The shield is off. My heart is open. And I feel nothing but love.

I arrived at work, and I thought, "Holy honey buns, I like my job." It's been a long time since I feel passionate about my work. I got sidetrack from everyday grinding of 9 to 5 routine that I actually forgotten what precisely I am here for.

I see people in new light. And if a person is grumpy, I try to see if they are uncomfortable, or scared, or did I - or someone - step over their personal boundary. Usually it is one of those reasons. It made me realized that, inside, each and every one of us just want to be happy and be respected.

And all of the sudden, life is not as hard as I thought it to be. If you care about something or someone, pay a little attention to the minor details: what makes it tick? What does he like? What doesn't she like? And honor your findings.

Life will still make ugly faces at us once in a while and that is okay too. Hold your ground and announce your boundaries, not with anger but with love. Sometimes, life throws a tantrum at you because you are threatened to cross over its boundary. Life, itself, can be afraid, too – just like all other things.

When someone, especially a friend, get upset with me, I can fight it back with anger. However, that does not solve anything. I advise myself to cock my head to the left (because cocking is what Whitney do best. Woo-hoo-hoo!), and think of the first and foremost reason: Love. Okay, so this person is upset because he/she loves me, but something went wrong somewhere. Am I not paying attention? Is there a message they are trying to send to me that I misunderstood or ignoring? Am I being too demanding? Am I being a control freak, again? Am I stepping over their boundary or impinging their freedom to exercise their free will? Usually it falls into one of these categories.

I am not saying that shit never happens or there are no real "meanies" out there. Because, there are, I'm not going to lie. But that is a very small percentage. Besides, if it is "that" bad, then why are you wasting your time and your energy on it? Focus on the good things and know, for yourself, that you can make the good things even better.

***********

Last night, I made a bet with myself. If I truly have the power, I want a HoneyBaked sandwich for lunch.

I just finished the Monte Cristo á la HoneyBaked and working on to finish the pickle. Small step for Whitney, a miracle magnitude for mankind. It took a collaboration of a few entities to make it happened for me. HoneyBaked ran out of the "special bread", I told them I don't mind regular bread. I got my sandwich and HoneyBaked did not charge me a penny because they didn't have the "special" bread and the buns weren't grill (which was a very minor point to me).

It could have been the result of opening up the charkas. It could have been the Relationship class. Or it could have been the finishing-end of yesterday's post. Whatever it is, I am very happy with it.

You can believe in whatever you like. As for me, I believe in Monte Cristo á la Honeybaked and the Love Potion Number 9.

Mood: Bewitched