I am weaker by the day, it seems.

Would someone hold me and tell me that my life is worth something? That *I* worth something?

I don't normally do this. I considered myself to be quite optimistic. And I hate myself when I show weakness like this. I tried to convince myself that I am being over-sensitive. I tried to convince myself that it was not on purpose. But enough is enough, how much of blurted out thoughtless words does it take to make me give in?

I mean, I go through ups and downs all my life. Of course, sometimes I get sad, sometimes I get upset, sometimes I get angry, and sometimes I get depression.

But today, friends, today I am knocked into the pit of despair. I meet thing more vile than death, backstabbed by someone who called herself 'friend'.

I don't know. The way I see it. If someone hurts me and have an inkling of guilt, there's still hope yet. But if you hurt me and have no idea that you did, then nothing can be saved. We are too different.

I am needy. I need assurance. I need affirmation. Tell me that if I no longer exist, I will be sadly missed. Tell me that I am not stupid as she suggested. Tell me that I am not as useless as she said. Childish as I am, tell me I can do somehting right, too.

I know that I cannot please everyone. I told myself that for everyone that loathed me, there also is someone who adores me dearly. But it still hurts.

The dark doom is swallowing me whole.