Somebody is going to emergency. Somebody is going to jail.

WARNING: This entry is dark and dooming!

You know, I would be the first person to jump on the Express Yourself Bandwagon. I believe in the freedom of speech and expression as much as the next guy but come on, give your thoughts some editing!

People have different opinions. I understand that.
Communication is the key to understanding. I also understand that.
People should just say how they feel. Okay.

In theory, it's foolproof. In reality, I’m having trouble.

I was taught that there is a time and a place for any action. I also was taught that in the matter of differences of opinion, I should be subtle be crafty, if you will when expressing my views. And I should always try my best to see the world from the opponent point of view. Be delicate to other peoples feelings and be respectful.

Call me fucked up but I was taught to never show my contempt in public. My mother would tell you that I’m doing a terrible job. She says that my face cannot hide anything.

I agree with her.

Now, maybe talk it out would work for most people, unfortunately, I’m in that minority group where it does not apply. I am not comfortable telling people my problems and make them the worlds trouble. Of course, I understand that sometimes I need help solving my crisis. Of course, I know that I do not live alone. Of course, sometimes I require help from friends. But I am not about to have the world solve ALL my problems big and small. Maybe I’m stupid for not thinking that way.

I have tried. And it was a lost battle. I am swimming among sharks major league debaters.

I have opened up. I have stomped my feet. I have been pouting. I have done everything to the best of all abilities that I know how to show the world when I am not happy.

The think it, say it population still could not see my agitation.
The crafty and subtle crowd thinks I am rude and inconsiderate.

Meanwhile, I’m stuck on a threshold between not restrained enough and not communicative enough. I’m neither here or there.

Worst part is neither here or there is me. I’m trying to be someone I am not and I’m not comfortable with it. I kept telling myself that it is for the better, I am changing for the better. I am changing to be a better person.

If this is what life is supposed to be, I signed up for the wrong program obviously. Being a better person is destroying me. I just want to be me. Can you just like me for being myself?

*******

Next post will be more enjoyable, I promise. Maybe, we can talk Dead Man's Chest?