You may think me finally succumbed to the high fashion of a straight jacket.

I am highly irritable today.

Have you ever had a day when things are just on the verge of going wrong? I have to stay sharp, keep my eyes open, and it is extremely difficult to do.

I can't focus for shit.

*******

I am tired. Exhausted.

Spinning in space while trying to live a normal life at the same time is hard work. It's very hard to concentrate and I need concentration to get my daily routine done.

If this does not improve by tomorrow, I think I will stop by The Cauldron and get some Grounding Mojo. Meditation didn't work. If anything else, meditation made it worst. It's so easy to go Astral Travel during a meditated state, even more so now that I'm slipping in and out even in full-conscious operating mode.

...

On Tuesday, I met a green dragon who swam under water. Last night, I saw him again. He is of the water clan; very agile, and very graceful. He is beautiful. The dragon watched me with inquisitive beady eyes. I think he is as much curious about me as I am about him.

He hasn't given me his name.

I will find out, yet.

But for now, I need to anchor down to get some work done. And rest, yes, rest would be good. Red* is not very happy that I am exhausting myself. He's having a rampant throe. I must ground myself - ground myself and be patient. No use chasing after the water dragon right now. I have presented myself.

Now, he will come and find me.

It is my wish and this is how it shall be.

********

*Red: For those of you who recently just tuned in, Red is a handsome red dragon with a tantrum of a Fire God. It took me nearly 3 years to tame him, 2 years before he even gave me his real name.

Red is relatively young (for a dragon) and once in a while, he would try my patience just to check if I still am worthy of his trust. He is the first dragon I've ever mastered and we are still learning from each other.

Sometimes, though, I wished my first dragon would be a little easier to handle. Red suffers a few issues I do not understand.

Oh well, the wiser and older - more stable - dragons are harder to capture, or so I've heard. Red will just have to bear with me in all the glory of my inexperience. Suck it up, buddy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[ETA] Although, he did not show himself until 2 days ago, I have a feeling that the water dragon may have been following me since the beginning of the year. He may even have been assisting me in dealing with Red.

[ETA 2] Come to think of it, I think I remember our first contact now. It was during an Astral Travel Meditation. Jedi John led us into the third plane (I think that was what he called it).

"What did you see?" Jedi John inquired after the meditation.
"I'm not sure. It's all blurry like I forgot my glasses. And it was like I'm in a cave of some sort. And very hazy. All I see is a blob of something moving in the thick misty fog." I told my Jedi Master.
"Can you tell what kind of creature it is?"
"I think he is a dragon, but I don't know for sure. He sort of felt like a dragon, but there's something off about him, but I think he is a dragon."
"Did he speak to you?" Jedi John continued to ask.
"Yes, he said I already have it."

Well, that was my first official guided Astral Travel on January 21 of this year.

Funny, isn't it? I already had forgotten about the travel, until now. I didn't know what all of it meant. I didn't know what "you already have it" the dragon was referring to. I didn't ask the creature any question. My quest was to go in, make contact (which in my interpretation meant just say 'hello'), and leave.

I still don't know what it all meant. However, it does make sense that if I made contact with the water clan, that he would be living in a cave at the bottom of a waterfall, which also explains the blurry image I saw, with the mist and all that. (And we thought I got blurry picture because I'm still new and haven't adjusted to Astral Traveling. Ha! Jedi John will be so proud of me!) It also explains why I thought he looked funny. Water clan has elongated body (or so I've heard), sort of a mix between the Chinese dragon and typical European dragon, which was exactly what I think I saw.

I also got a quick glimpse of a horse-y looking creature. It turned out that the girl next to me made contact with a unicorn. Hee-hee. I brain-bled into her astral plane.

...told you it was easy to slip when I'm in a meditated state. O_o

[ETA 3] I think I'll just call him Green until he gives me a name. Ha!

I can feel it in my bones I'm gonna spend another night alone

Mercury gained its forward speed and there I go, losing my mind again. The weekend was a big blur of sleep-walking. Either I remembered the conversation but don't remember who said it or I remembered flashes of faces but have no clues of what sort of interaction I engaged with.

It's like navigating the ship through the fog. I can't see where I'm going but I have a feeling I'm sailing in circle. It is likely that I am caught in the web of illusions of some sort. Then again, maybe that is just the right thing to do - sailing in circle. After all, rumor has it that the world is round.

********

I woke up at the usual time. Got out of the house at the usual time. Got coffee like usual. Got in the car and it was half-an-hour LATER than usual. I still can't figure out what happened to that missing 30 minutes of my life.

*********

Not a sign of True Love, yet. Hence, the story of my life is still in limbo.

...

There, is another area of my life that I am walking around in circle without any navigational system - to be or not to be, that is the question.

*********

Prefaire started. I am so happy to see the whole family again. So many names I didn't connect to faces and so many faces I didn't connect with names.

Bear with me, folks. I woke up not remembering who I am half-the-time.

Ahhh, faire: dusty roads, dusty air, dirt between my toes, dirt on my face, dirt in my hair. I forgot the feeling of being a human lightbulb, heating up in the middle of the night, emitting solar radiation like a bad trip of niacin overdosed.

And the itch! Oh, the itch. I had forgotten I'm allergic to direct sunlight. Damn the vampiric bloodline! I need to find my SPF70, the not so sticky kind.

**********

And speaking of faire and all things Elizabethan, can we say, "Hello, Daddy?"

Man, if Henry VIII was JRM-HAWT, I'm prepared to give him head my head anytime of the day!

There is myriad meaning in these gaps. They are all written in bold and in caps. Can't you see it?

Patience, thy name is Whitney.

It appears that The Universe wants me to focus on patience, tolerance, and understanding today. It's sort of funny. Last year was all about purging Anger. Wrath was waiting in every corner.

This year is different. I no longer force myself to be what the social surroundings' assumption of who I should be and how I should behave; living up to other people's expectations was hell.

It will never happen again.

Small step for Whitney, giant leap for mankind. Believe you me, someone up there *points sky* has a bigger plan for me then the pesky little task of entertaining a few lost lambs. I'm here to save the world, you just watch.

**********

Anyhoo, these are messages I received within the past 12 hours.

Keep in mind that there are countless ways of looking at things and stay flexible.

To understand all is to forgive all.

Don't forget to allow others enough space to be themselves.

Remember that everyone's experience is true for them.

There are no authorities, just opinion.

I also dreamt that I had to eat a bug, raw. In the dream, it tasted like cardboard. Still, I couldn't say I enjoyed it though. Yeeeak!

Let's be Gods, the perks are great. El Dorado on a plate.

So, Friday.

I think I'm going to go hide at the happiest place on earth tomorrow.

I've been pretty much grounded in reality all week. On the plus side, there is no Evil Monsters chasing after me. On the minus side, there are "real" issues to contemplate.

Issues like power and how it corrupts. Issues like moral and the threshold between what is right and what is wrong. Issues like how this society may be a set up to make you fail.

Sill a lot to think over. I think the more power one has, the more distant one became with the universe as a whole. As the old saying goes, "It's lonely at the top." Problem is I think some people enjoy being The Lonely Ruler of the Universe. So, it's not lonely in the sense that you are...lonely, but lonely in the sense of...good riddance!

And I don't know if I am comfortable with that idea either.

Then again, maybe I miss the point all together.

Either way, I wish you all a happy weekend. See y'all back on Monday!

And the road leads somewhere, but it's not yet to your door

Mood: still confused

...still don't get it.

I mean I understand that people has different personality and different moral references, but it is so draining when someone comes at you full force and impose his/her believes on you.

I'm a stubborn psycho, myself. But I tried my best not to force my opinion on any individual.

Why can't some people grant me the same respect for my individual boundary?