My heart is broken.

It is not broken because of a traitorous romance. A boy cannot do such a damage. No, my wound runs much deeper.

I wanted to go to a party. There, you laughed in my face. But, it is not just any party that happens every weekend, you see? This is a once in a life time party and opportunity.

My problem is Noblesse Oblige. I have obligations to my family and it is not in the best interest of the family if I am not here, attending my duties. Not that the family will come crashing down, because plan has been discussed for the such a situation, but yes, I admit, my selfishness will cause some difficulty.

My family neglect to acknowledge that this is important to me. I have walked in circles. I have ponders over and over. It was an extremely difficult decision to make, to ask for a leave of absence. No one else can attend my duties. However, no one will die if such duties are delayed for 24 hours, I do not think.

I have always been putting my family obligations as first priority. I have asked for leave of absence before, and when denied, I just brushed it off. Family comes first.

However, this time, it is important. Important enough to make me ponders that if I go against the family decision and I may not be able to step my foot in the house again, will I take that chance?

What broke my heart is that my family neglect to trust me enough to honor my decision.


Someone told me that if I wish for something hard enough, it may come true. My thirty-sixth birthday is coming up. I do not wish for money. I do not wish for jewelry or pretty things. I just wish for my happiness, material matters mean nothing to me. I wish to go to the party for one day and keep my family in good grace. Is that too much to ask?


It does not matter now. I am a girl with a broken heart. A girl cannot be happy without her heart and I cannot live without my happiness.

I am a dead girl.

This is my last entry.